life

i never really took school seriously and was always a slacker and procrastinator. i just wanted to live life and have fun. i always wanted to hang out with my friends, but now, at the age of twenty, i realized that school plays a huge role when it comes to my future. school is what determines my job, my wellfare, and how well my future will be. looking back at my past, i really regret slacking in highschool. maybe, if i wouldve done better in school, i wouldnt be stuck at uw sheboygan. not that its a bad school, its just that i wouldve been able to go straight to the college of my dreams. uw madison. im hoping to transfer to madison in the spring, but things might not go as planned because of how poorly ive been doing. not that i want to brag, but, i know that im not a dumb person and i can do very well in school if i tried. thats just the thing, i dont. thats one of the biggest mistakes ive made and im wanting to change that now. i want to do good in school and i want to have a good future. if i cant do something as simple as keeping my grades up and reading or doing homework, how do i plan to survive in the real world when it comes to a job? i might not be ready for the world and i might tell the world to wait until im ready, but its not going to. the world is constant, it keeps moving even when we dont. nothing good comes from slacking. ive learned the hard way. if i could go back and study harder from highschool until now, you bet i would change that. yes, having fun is important, but theres a time to have fun, and a time to be serious. my fun time is over and now its time to start planning my life and its time to worry about my future. i realized that id rather work hard now and relax later than relaxing now and working my butt off in the future. i know that if i wouldve studied harder in highschool, i would be further than i am today with school. that is one regret that i will always carry with me... now i understand why my parents always pushed me so much in highschool. they just wanted the best for me. theyve done all that they can and now its my turn to take care of my own life. no more slacking around. its time to get down to business. life is nothing to mess around with. it is what you make it.

Memories and Emotions

memories play such an important role when it comes to being with someone. i feel as if memories are what hold two people together and its what keeps the relationship going. but, once you forget, memories mean nothing...  sometimes it saddens me how easily someone can forget the memories that were created and shared with someone special. how can people forget the feelings of the time spent and shared with eachother? its sad to think that when two people end things, its easier for one person to move on than the other... they say that the bad memories are what hurts, but i feel as if its the good memories that kills someone even more. i feel like sometimes the reason its so hard to let go of someone is because of all the memories youve created with that person. you realize everything youve gone through together and  you want to hold on to that person because youre still holding on to those memories. its hard to accept the truth and face the facts that things are over because youre always so busy thinking of what could have been. i dont want to get personal, but, i recently got out of a relationship and some days are definitely better than others. i wish that there was a way i could block out all of the memories and just move on but, its not that easy. sure, people can tell you to move on and they can tell you that you deserve better and that person was an idiot, but, its harder for you because youre the one thats going through it and they didnt go through what you went through with that person. sometimes i wish there was a way where you can just control your emotions. im sure im not the only one that has felt this way... if there was a way to control how we felt maybe everyone would be happier? or is that just me? i know that going through these tough times makes you stronger but why cant these times go by faster hahaha. i dont know about you guys but its hard for me to look at that person and pretend as if nothings ever happened and we can just be friends. its hard for me not to think about all of the memories of us together and its hard for me to control my emotions. i read this quote that said, you can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, but, you cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel... i found this quote to me so true. memories can be used to hurt someone but memories are also a wonderful thing to have. so, ive come to the conclusion that instead of sulking in the memories, ill rejoice in them. like i said before, nothing good comes out from being sad right? youve got to be fair to yourself and love yourself. so, go out there and make memories... you only live once after all

Being Hurt is OK!!! (btw, sorry for my grammatical mistakes, I'm on my phone and I cant capitalize my letters or put in apostrophes for some reason)

theres not one person that i know of who wants to be, feel, or experience that feeling of being hurt. today my friend anna and i had a conversation about relationships and how we cope with our feelings when we break up with someone or when someone breaks up with us because she had recently gotten out of a relationship and was in need of a friend. she had told me that before she had talked to me, she had talked to one of her guy friends and he had gotten hurt before and had cried for a whole day but the next day had gotten over everything like it was nothing. she had told me that he was telling her to do the same. my advice to her was that its ok to be hurting... being hurt can only make you stronger as an individual... i had also told her that i completely understand where her friend is coming from as well... why do you want to sulk and be sad? whats the point of that? there isnt a point really. laying down on your bed, crying, isnt going to fix anything or make anything better. if anything, that just makes it worse. when i said its ok to hurt i dont mean lock yourself in your room and cry in the dark. i meant, learn from it, grow from it, incorporate it into your life in a positive matter. its not that we want to be hurt. im pretty sure if we had the powers or the abilities to not feel hurt, we would take up that chance but life isnt like that. life comes with curveballs and we can only look at things in a positive perspective no matter how negative it may seem. if someone dumps you, dont look at it as a negative thing. im sure that youve gained something from that relationship and im sure that there were nice memories there as well. yes, its hard to move on. im not saying its easy... but, it doesnt have to be as difficult as we imagine it to be. be thankful that that person was a part of your life for that period of your life and slowly move on. like i said, it may be hard, but, its doable... what people dont realize is, we dont need a special someone to make us happy... we determine our own happiness. i know that everyone has their own ways of coping with their feelings and emotions. but it wont get better if we always think so negatively. it may take a week, a month, a year, or even longer for you to heal from the pain, but, once you get past it, i guarentee that you will feel so much better about yourself and you will have become stronger as well. how will we know how to cope with being hurt if we dont go through it multiple times and learn? is feeling hurt a bad thing? yes and no. if youre feeling hurt right now for whatever reason, i just want you to know that you will be ok... it will take time but, you will get through it. you always have your friends and family to turn to as well. dont ever feel like you have to go through anything alone. dont ever feel like you have to cope with your feelings alone. like my previous blog about friends, my two best friends are always there for me and im always there for them as well. whenever one of us is hurting, all of us hurt because we care about eachother.  we help eachother get through our issues and our problems because we dont want one another to feel down or hurt. my life has become brighter and full of life thanks to those girls. so, like i said, you do have friends and family that you can turn to when youre feeling down, im sure theyre more than willing to lend a shoulder for you to cry on. dont think that if youre hurt, youre being emo... being hurt is a natural emotion that everyone faces. some take longer than others to heal, but theres nothing wrong with that. its just how you deal with it that matters. so, dont be afraid to be hurt. it will benefit your life in one way or another.

Life

Almost everyone around my age or younger, that I know of, is always in such a rush to grow up. To be honest, I was one of them. But then, I got a hit of reality. Why do I want to grow up so much, so fast? Why do I want to throw away my youth by acting like an adult? Yes, there is a time to be mature and to be realistic, but, there's also a time to have fun and to be laid back.

When I was younger, I never hung out with my cousins or friends. I never went to any birthday parties or any sleepovers. I always wanted to act like a grown up and I always wanted to be the "older" one. But, now I look back and it saddens me that I don't have a lot of fun memories as a child. I robbed myself of my own childhood. Now hearing everyone talk about when they were a child and all of the memories that they had with each other makes me a bit envious.

Just appreciate where you are in life and learn to live life to the fullest. Life is too short to be "jumping" ahead. Enjoy your youth. Appreciate where you are. The time will come when you realize that it's time to really grow up. There's a time and place for everything.

I wish someone would've told me this when I was younger. But, being the eldest of four, I'm the first one to go through everything and I'm the one that will have to guide my siblings. I want my siblings to be able to experience life's "good" side and realize that life CAN be fun. It's not just always serious and full of drama. Life is what you make it. So live it to the fullest. 

Love

Love...

One of the most complex things to have ever existed on earth... or am I alone on this one? 

What is love? I mean , who on this earth, can really define what love is?

Lets all face it, every relationship always starts out strong, it always starts out positive and great. But, in the long run, it starts to slowly dwindle…

I’m not saying that relationships are perfect because I know that they aren’t. I’m just simply saying, why do people make things more complicated then what it needs to be?

I find it sad when there’s only one person who’s willing to give it their all in a relationship and the other person doesn’t show any signs of acknowledgement, or willingness to reciprocate as well. Why are we willing to put ourselves in that situation?

If there was someone who hurt us so much to a breaking point, wouldn’t that drive us to leave? Wouldn’t that make us want to take ourselves out of that situation so that we won’t feel so hurt anymore? I know I can’t really speak for anyone but myself when it comes to this topic. Whenever I’m in a relationship, this particular question always pops into my mind. Wouldn’t it be better for me to take myself out of that situation? Of course it would; but, at the same time, it’s easier said than done. Because of all of the memories that have been created and because of all of the times you’ve invested for that relationship, it takes a toll on your heart. It makes it harder to leave that person and it makes it harder to forget them as well.

Not everyone is the same. It may be easier for some people than others. But, from what I have seen and experienced, Love isn’t an easy thing. People are always getting hurt and relationships aren’t always fair. But, of course, if you really love that person, you’re willing to stick it out and fight through whatever to be with them.

It’s just always a tragic whenever relationships don’t work out because of lies, secrets, or miscommunication. I personally think that if the two people really liked each other and they were really willing to try, things would work out for the both of them. It’s all just really up to the two significant others. No one can tell them what to do but themselves and no one can stop them from doing anything but themselves. Sure, people can suggest things and give you their opinions but it’s really up to you to let what others say have an effect on your relationship.

I’ve seen multiple relationships fall apart because there was some sort of “intruding” and someone let others “invade” their relationship and/or privacy. It hurts me to know that two people who were so in “love” could let something so little tear them apart. But, not everyone’s perfect and not every relationship is going to work. I just wish that people would be a bit more understanding or have more faith when it comes to their relationship.

I mean what connects two people besides, faith, trust, and honesty? Isn’t that what a relationship is built from? And if the relationship does consist of those three, wouldn’t that make the relationship strong? How can it be so easy to tear two people apart? That’s the question that baffles me…

Music

Why do we have music? Why do we like to listen to music so much? Come to think of it, music is very helpful when it comes to expressing emotions. There are all different types of music. For example, rap, rock, pop, r&b, country, classical, jazz and so on and so forth.

I realized that I listen to music to help me release stress or to help me deal with certain situations. When I'm angry I listen to rap songs or rock, when I'm sad I listen to r&b or country. Music helps me escape from the world and it's a time where I can be free and seclude myself from people and unnecessary issues.

Music is a form of art and it intrigues a lot of people and it catches a lot of people's attention. When I listen to music, it helps relax me and puts me in deep thought. There's not one day where I go without listening to my iPod, the radio, or singing myself. Although there are many singers who sing the same genre, I think their unique voice gives them each a different feeling.

Music is used worldwide for everything. You see it in commercials, movies, TV shows, cartoon shows, etc. Music adds feeling to everything and it puts you "in the mood".

People listen to music when they're at work, when they're working out, when they're having a bad day, at parties, without music, life would be "tasteless" it would be so plain. I feel like music adds a spice to life and it's life's "necessity".

I personally love music. I love recording songs and singing with my friends. Whether it be for Church, for a talent show, or for fun, you'll always see me behind a microphone, or an instrument. I know that music helps me express myself in ways that words can't. So, why do we have music? I have no idea, but why do I like to listen to music so much? Because it's a time where I can express our emotions and express who I am. :)

Friends

After thinking about it for quite some time, I've come to ask myself, why do we have friends? Do we NEED them or is it just a WANT? So many things have been running through my mind about this topic lately and I just can't help but wonder, "why"?

I'm sure we all get lonely and all want someone there for us and/or with us that's why we choose to have friends, but, isn't that what family's for? Shouldn't our families be enough for us? Why do we look for company from mere "strangers”?

As the years have passed, I’ve realized that what people have been telling me is true. As you grow older, your circle of friends does shrink. It’s a sad thing but at the same time, it’s reality. You come to realize who you can and cannot trust, who you can and cannot confide in, who you can and cannot tell your secrets to, and who you should and should not be around.

I think everyone goes through that phase of trying to find out who you are and what you want in life. I feel like the people around you have an influence on the person you become.

To be honest, I was one of those people that always wanted a lot of friends so I’d always be very talkative and try to be friends with everyone that I met. But I’ve come to the realization that you can’t be friends with everyone you meet and not everyone’s going to get along with you. Having a relationship with a friend is like being in a relationship with your significant other. There has to be communication and trust, “loyalty” and you have to make time for one another. Knowing this, I come back to the question of why. Why do we want friends if it’s going to take up so much time, energy, and effort? Why do we want friends when it may only impose unnecessary drama in our lives?

I’m still clueless and I have not found an answer yet, but, I’m sure there are many answers out there. Not saying that I don’t have any friends because I do, but, now that I have a better understanding of people and between fake and real friends, I would rather have just 2 or 3 close friends than to have 100 fake ones. I’m not saying it’s impossible to have 100 real friends, I just personally think that it’s a little difficult to do so.

 I'm glad that I've found my friends who I can rely on no matter what. They have been there for me through thick and thin and I know that they will never leave my side and they will always be there for me. These girls are like my sisters and I know, I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. They've molded me into a strong independent person and I love them to death. They influence me in a POSITIVE way and we each have something unique to offer each other, just like when you're in a relationship. So why do we want friends? I dont know... But, I'm glad and I'm blessed that I have them in my life. <3